Category: baby

Chaos coordinator

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I’m 3 weeks into having three children (one day I’ll get around to sharing the birth story, but for now I’ll just say: the baby was not born in the car and I was able to get an epidural, which is seriously the best medical innovation to date) and it is absolute chaos.

Let’s discuss some of the ridiculous things that have happened since bringing our baby home:

  • Our middle child, Y, bit new baby’s Z finger when he was only a few days old. Seriously kid!? Fortunately Z was okay, but it was a clear sign that Y was not going to warm up to him easily. We’ve since made sure that Y has a bit more one-on-one time with everyone, and we continue to call him our baby. He has since only given him lots of kisses, so perhaps our approach is working.
  • Z was not sleeping at all the first few days (and, truth be told, is not sleeping great now, but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt since he’s still a newborn). I should clarify: he would sleep just fine as long as he nursed the whole time and/or I held him. We ended up hiring a night nanny, who came highly recommended by two friends. We had her spend 3 weekend nights with us so we could be as well-rested as possible for the big kids during the day. It was incredibly helpful (even though I still had to wake up every 2-3 hours to feed the baby), but on the third night we caught her catching a snooze with our baby on the couch next to her! As my husband would say: “Seriously!? You have one job.” So we don’t have a night nanny anymore. But Z is cooperating and starting to sleep a bit at night. We can usually get one or two 2-2.5 hr stretches. I believe there was one night when we got two 3 hr stretches. Glorious!
  • I took Z out with me to a store the other day, when he was 2 wks old. I’ve been trying to lay low and not exert myself too much (also trying to keep Z away from germs), but I have unfortunately had a few time-sensitive errands to run. On this particular day, Z bawled his eyes out in the car (his M.O.). After we parked, I was trying to load up the stroller quickly so that I could pick up the wailing newborn. I thought I had closed our SUV’s trunk, and didn’t see that it had ricocheted back to half-open due to an umbrella stroller wheel sticking out the back. Unfortunately, I wasn’t looking up when I walked behind the car again and I ran straight into the side of trunk door. It was a pretty good blow, but when I touched my hand to my head to feel it, I was still surprised to see my hand coated with blood. OMG. My husband was at work, my mom was at home with Y, and I was bleeding from my head in the middle of a parking lot 30 minutes from home, with a wailing newborn still buckled into his carseat in the car. The whole thing was ridiculous. I ended up keeping my appointment at the store (I’m sure the woman working there thought I was insane coming in with a newborn with a blood-soaked Kleenex pressed against my head, asking whether I could use their bathroom to clean out my wound). I called one of my surgical colleagues right away and asked whether she had time to squeeze me in that day because I was pretty sure I needed stitches. And that’s how my quick errand turning into an afternoon spent in my clinic getting stitches. Silver lining: at least this happened on my scalp, where the scar will be hidden by my hair, and not on my forehead!
  • Negotiating 3 sleep schedules has been tough. As I mentioned, Z is not sleeping great. X has woken up really early a few days (e.g. 5:30am). I wouldn’t care if he could just sit quietly in bed, but he usually uses the restroom and calls someone to wipe him (so that’s one adult who needs to wake up) and then he goes back into his room, usually noisily, and wakes up Y (since they are now sharing a room). I also wouldn’t care about this if Y was a morning person, but he likes to sleep in, so this automatically makes for a cranky pants morning. Y still takes long naps (3 hours) so we pick him up after a half day of “preschool” and let him snooze at home. Honestly, it would be much easier to have him stay at school all day as opposed to driving to this school three times per day (drop-off for both kids, pick-up for Y mid-day, pick-up for X end of day), but the times we’ve tried a full day of school (including today) have been an absolute disaster. Y is a zombie and in a TERRIBLE mood, so it’s honestly more miserable than taking an extra drive mid-day. Just a few nights ago, I had finally settled Z out of my arms and into the Rock ‘N Play. Then, all of a sudden, I hear crying coming from X&Y’s room (it’s around 9:30pm so this shouldn’t be happening since they had fallen asleep some time before). I check out the Nest Cam and see that Y is standing up in his crib bawling. Oh no. If he wakes up X, we’re going to have a problem. And why is he up crying!? I rush into the room to make sure he doesn’t have a dirty diaper or a fever. Negative on both counts. I carry him out of the room to comfort him and then tell him calmly that he’s going to have to sleep in his crib tonight. That doesn’t go over very well. Ultimately, I let him cry it out in his crib and spend the whole time praying that X doesn’t wake up. By some miracle, he does not, and Y settles to sleep after a few minutes. And, of course, Z wakes up just a bit after that.
  • Family outings are a nightmare. I’m serious! It takes forever for us to get out of the house and we seriously need a rolling suitcase as opposed to a diaper bag whenever we leave. My mom has been in town, so right now we have a 1 adult to 1 child ratio. However, when she leaves, we are going to be in big trouble! X and Y always seem to dart in different directions. Z has blowouts literally only when we are out somewhere! And without fail someone will throw a tantrum.

In sum, things are crazy. I feel like I am barely surviving when all 3 kids are home. That being said, I would choose to have a third child a million times over. I love the chaos and would honestly love a fourth child (crazy, right? Pretty sure there’s no way to convince my husband that this would be a good idea). I also know that these days are fleeting. In just a blink they’ll be teenagers, looking for ways to escape into their rooms. So I’ll enjoy the endless cuddles, each boy vying for mom’s attentions. And I’ll even take the tantrums, tears, and sibling rivalry.

A-holes on airplanes

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My kids were much better behaved on our trip back and we had a much better flight with an extra set of hands (thanks to my husband who flew out just to fly us home). I should mention that the flight ended with my oldest projectile vomiting, which was not, as I assumed at the time, motion sickness, but was actually a horrible GI bug that he is still grappling with and that I am desperately hoping no one else in our home contracts. But that’s a story for another day, because first I’d like to talk about a-holes on airplanes.

I have flown a ton with my kids in the past 3.5 years. I have been fortunate to encounter nothing but gracious people, who have tolerated some tears, tantrums, and other infant/toddler behavior on our flights. The kids are actually great travelers, and I think this is part of the reason we have never encountered animosity on airplanes – they don’t scream/shriek the entire time, they are not rude, and obviously they are incredibly cute and win everyone over (biased mom here). Part of the reason we get a lot of sympathy is also that my husband and I always come equipped to entertain them, and we hustle the entire flight to keep them as calm as possible. We don’t let them run around willy-nilly, we are mindful of how their movements and noises affect surrounding passengers, and we try to have new/engaging/interesting items on hand to pique their interest.

However, we did meet our first disgruntled passenger on this week’s flight. We boarded the airplane first, and barely noticed an overweight, older gentleman board a few minutes later. He was seated two rows in front of us. Because we had boarded so early and the majority of seats were empty/passengers were still getting situated, I let my youngest sit on my oldest, start hugging, and begin to play as I set up our seats (safety harnesses, waters, books, wipes, etc). They were basically hugging and making noises. My youngest was saying things so that my oldest would copy him, and they were having a blast. Cue grumpy old man: “I’m sorry, but that is unacceptable behavior.”

I was taken aback – was this man talking to me? It sure looked like he was staring in my direction, but what could be unacceptable behavior? Well, never fear, he proceeded to explain: “It is unacceptable for you to let them hug and yell and cause a commotion for everyone.” First of all, the cabin wasn’t even 25% full. Second of all, who gets angry at playing toddlers who are literally just sitting in their seats!? We hadn’t even been on the airplane for five minutes! If this guy was already annoyed, he was definitely in for a treat during the 5+ hour haul.

I was honestly speechless. I was also slightly embarrassed (was I an oblivious parent? Had my kids actually been loud/obnoxious and not cute/endearing?) and wanted to stay calm for my kids. I was also worried that he would start cursing in front of the kids or become otherwise belligerent. And I didn’t think there was much point in arguing with someone who would yell at a pregnant lady traveling with 2 toddlers – what were the chances he would honestly empathize? Plus you see all of these viral videos these days of families getting kicked off flights for the smallest things, and I did not want any trouble on this flight. My husband, who was sitting across the aisle from us, had zero of these reservations.

He got into it with this man, telling him not to talk to me like that, asking if he had ever flown with children, and on and on. The grumpy old man yelled something back about common courtesy/being nice and I pretty much zoned out and tried to distract my kids, while simultaneously asking my husband to calm down. It was an ugly scene and I was not in the mood for confrontation.

I felt pretty crappy the rest of the flight. We worked as hard as we usually do to keep the kids calm, but it felt different – like we were somehow acquiescing to his demands. I was grateful that both of them napped and were generally in stellar moods. I also felt very grateful to have my husband there. I don’t know how the scene would have played out if I were solo, except that perhaps more passengers would have come to my immediate defense. A few gave us smiles of solidarity after it happened, told us the grumpy old man passenger was a jerk after the flight landed, and also commended us for having well-behaved kids. We were grateful to those people for their small acts of kindness. And a special thank you to the passengers across the aisle from us who handed me a barf bag when they saw my oldest vomiting and me searching frantically for something to contain it.

And if you find yourself on an airplane with parents who have young kids, try to have some empathy. I get it – you paid for your flight, you’re tired, you want to sleep/read/watch a movie/etc. But guess what? It’s not a private jet. Most (I can’t speak for all) parents are trying their best to keep their kids contained and respectful, but kids aren’t robots. These families have also paid money for their seats – in our case, we purchased four of them – and have the right to talk, walk around within reason when the seatbelt sign is off, and so on. And no matter how little you think you’re relaxing by the kids being in your mere presence, the parents are relaxing 100% less trying to entertain them. Moral of the story is: try not to be an a-hole on airplanes. After all, isn’t that what common courtesy is all about?

Worried and kicking

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It’s been 5 days since I learned about my possible toxoplasmosis infection and I’ve just been a rollercoaster of emotion:

  • doom and gloom: worst case scenario congenital toxoplasmosis situation. How will we adjust to having a severely disabled child? Is this fair to my other children? How will our lives change?
  • denial: this MUST be a false positive. I don’t spend time around cats, I don’t eat meat, I have barely eaten raw fruits and vegetables this pregnancy and never without washing them. Then I think about the one time our cat lady neighbor picked up two packages for us while we were away. This was back when I was very early pregnant, 1-2 mo. What if one of her cats pooped on the packages and then I grabbed them? Is this enough contact to transmit toxoplasmosis? Would my IgG be positive if this were the case?
  • anger: why did my ob check this lab? There seems to be no clear guideline to doing so (for asymptomatic patients without exposure risk). I switched to this ob primarily to have the same person I saw for regular visits deliver my baby instead of a resident (to clarify: not because I didn’t think they’d do a great job, but because I would prefer for residents I work with not to see me in labor. Although, two residents did deliver my second and I can barely remember who they were) but now I’m having second thoughts. Should I have stuck with my original group, who didn’t check for toxo because it’s not standard of care? Now I’m on this wheel of test after test after test (what I’ve been trying to avoid since my first induction for suspected pre-eclampsia) and I’m mad at myself because it’s of my own doing. I also wish she had a clear algorithm in mind. If she sends off a test, then she should have a clear plan as to what to do if it’s positive or negative. Yet, I know that this is not always true in medicine, and this is how we learn.

My husband is a level-headed, pragmatic individual. He is not worried at all. He says that worrying won’t change the situation. There is literally nothing I can add to the situation by worrying, and I need to relax and wait to see what the doctors say next week. I have an ultrasound scheduled and will follow up with high-risk ob the day after (by phone at least). I wish I could be reasonable like him and not worry, but I have a tough time doing so. I worry about the need for invasive testing or treatment which could be dangerous to the baby. I worry about being in a perpetual state of worry (is this the ultimate sign of anxiety or what?) during this pregnancy. I worry that the baby will need unnecessary testing when he’s born. And I think about what it would be like to have a baby with congenital toxoplasmosis – how different from my prior newborns. How will I handle that on top of having a newborn and 2 toddlers?

In the past few days, the baby has started to kick more. He was moving early on this time around, but his movements have been much more intense and exaggerated. I like to think that he’s telling me not to worry, to calm down, that he’s alright. I hope this is true. Only 3 more days until I have my ultrasound. I pray that everything is normal.

Bad news

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This month has been hectic. It started with a lovely get-away (without kids!) for my husband and I. It was lovely. We were away for a week and were able to sleep 10-12 hours per day, finish both our conversations and our meals, lounge leisurely by the pool (under an umbrella, of course), walk along the beach, read, and simply be.

As always, I returned home with a desire to incorporate some of that into my daily life: taking a few minutes per day to just be together, reading more for fun, enjoying leisurely meals, exercising. Except we came home to a 1 year old and a 3 year old and two full-time jobs so none of the above happened.

It’s also a busy time. I’ve been taking advantage of my second-trimester energy to complete a few projects, including submitting plans for a minor home renovation. I’ve also had a pesky cough since our time away and though it would go away but it didn’t, and the coughing would often rob me of my energy and cause me to feel even more tired than usual. To top things off, my oldest came down with hand foot mouth disease (HFMD) and was home the entire week prior to a flight I was taking solo with both kids. He was in pain and cranky the entire week (apologies to all of the moms I counseled on HFMD by saying it was merely viral and would blow over) and, the worst part of all was that he wouldn’t sleep through the night! So the first few nights my husband and I stayed up with him. And then my youngest got a fever (but fortunately did not erupt into HFMD) and then HE wouldn’t sleep through the night.

So I set off with both kids in recovery ALONE on a 6 hour flight and it was by far the worst flight we’ve ever had. My kids have traveled a lot because even though we don’t live close to family, I think it’s so important for them to spend time with them. They are usually shockingly well-behaved. I come prepared, keep them entertained, and they generally keep their crying and tantrums to a minimum. But last week was a different story. Both kids were on the mend, I felt like crap from a combination of not sleeping as well as fighting off this cough (oh and being pregnant), and they wouldn’t nap! So we kept things pretty together until the last 30-45 minutes. And then when the plane landed, all hell broke loose. Both kids wanted to be carried but I only had two hands and had to carry the carry-on bags (we only had travel backpacks with us but it was a lot to juggle!). Then my oldest started throwing a tantrum about everything – he didn’t want to let me into the aisle to organize our bags, he didn’t want his brother to sit by the window, and on and on and on. Meanwhile, I’m frantically trying to organize everything while his little monkey of a brother is climbing over the seats. My oldest won’t move from his spot so I tell him “I’m going to pick you up and sit you down here so that I can grab everything” and do just that. He loses his **** and starts yelling “Mommy you HURT ME!”. Meanwhile, I’m dying.  As calmly as possible, I tell him it’s time to get off of the plane. A very nice lady helps with one of our bags, I carry my youngest off the plane, and my oldest begrudgingly drags his bag and follows behind, complaining all the way.

At the gate, I have to find and unfold our stroller, which was a waste of effort because neither kid will sit in it (but at least I can pile some bags on it). The oldest is crying and blocking people as they walk off of the plane while the youngest just wants to be held. I hightail it out of there with the oldest hitting me on my backpack and throwing the world’s greatest tantrum. We are the last people off the plane and the pilots are begrudgingly walking behind us because (I learned on another trip) they can’t leave anyone behind when they leave the plane. Awesome. And then, to top it all off, I have to walk approximately 20 minutes with one kid in my arms and one kid whining the whole way because we have landed at a huge airport, at possibly the furthest airline!

It was a total disaster. I saw my parents at the exit, handed the kids off to them, and then walked off to baggage claim to burst into tears. I could tell the security guard knew I was going to lose it because he let my parents follow me to the baggage claim to help out with the bags.

Until yesterday, I thought that was the worst thing that had happened. Then, my ob called me. Before I left, I had a few third trimester labs drawn. Apparently, one of those labs was toxoplasmosis. I had already had this checked in January (at 7 weeks) and both IgM and IgG were negative. For some reason, my ob rechecked it. She admitted that this was controversial – that many people don’t recommend rechecking due to low likelihood of infection in our area and false positives. But then she told me that I had a new positive (IgM, with IgG still negative). She wasn’t sure what to make of it. She had spoken to the high-risk obstetrics group at my hospital and they would follow up with me and likely have me return for an ultrasound, as well as labs, maybe an antibiotic, etc. She told me not to freak out so I promptly did just that – freaked out.

Toxoplasmosis!? That’s one of the terrible infections we learn about in medical school that can cause a slew of problems in newborns. WTF!? But I don’t own any cats…and I’m a vegetarian! I couldn’t believe it. I did what I always tell my patients not to do – turned to Dr. Google, and PubMed, and every person I know who is an obstetrician or infectious disease expert. I received a slew of responses: it’s probably nothing/a false positive, you definitely should not ignore this, you need serial ultrasound monitoring, they need to test the baby, there’s nothing you can do anyway because you’re 24 weeks along.

I’m also a bit annoyed at my ob. Why did she check it if it’s controversial? Her exact words were “I’ll probably change my practice after this”. And I am not entirely sure she knows exactly what to do at this time. She referred me to the high-risk ob, and that person called me, but I’m traveling and can’t be seen tomorrow, and she’s going to be out of town next week. The ID expert I spoke with told me to get labs ASAP, but the ob told me it wasn’t time-sensitive. Her exactly words were “I’m going to be blunt with you because you’re a doctor: if this is a true infection, there’s not much you can do at 24 weeks”. But shouldn’t it matter if it’s a true infection?

So I’m just waiting here, anticipating the worst. And it’s made me realize that I’m done having kids. I always thought I wanted a fourth, but pregnancy is too tenuous and stressful. I think about the experiences I’ve had with my kids – my pre-eclampsia scare with my first and him being in the NICU after birth (the briefest NICU stay ever, but seemed like the longest to me), my positive first-trimester screen with my second and having to see genetics for additional screening to rule out a chromosomal abnormality, and now this with my third. I pray that he will be healthy. That this is either a huge misunderstanding (false positive) or that he does not catch this infection. I’ll have an ultrasound in one week and hopefully will have some additional information at that time – and hopefully it’s all good news.

Updates from the 1st trimester

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I’ve been thinking of all of the things I want to remember from this first trimester. With my first pregnancy, I journaled all the time. With my second, I journaled less. This time around I forgot the password to access my (very sophisticated) Word doc journal and haven’t written anything since before becoming pregnant.

So first I’ll start with early pregnancy symptoms. I hate early pregnancy symptoms because they can literally be anything, so when you’re trying to get pregnant every little twinge becomes a reason to obsess over whether you could be pregnant.

I honestly didn’t feel any different than I have during my last few cycles. A bit of back pain a few days prior, but I’m pretty sure that’s more related to my 40 lb 3 year old and 25+ lb 1.5 year old. We flew for the holidays and I felt incredibly nauseous on the descent, but didn’t think much of it as I had experienced nausea with some prior cycles. What really tipped me off was this: no hormonal acne. Around the time of my menstrual cycle, I develop a few cystic acne lesions. I had zero by day 30 and this definitely piqued my interest. When I went to bed that night, I thought I felt something developing on my chin, but it was gone by the next morning. And that was it-I took a pregnancy test the next time.

During these first few weeks, I’ve felt:

-general stomach uneasiness

-nausea, usually worse in the early evening

-cravings for: carbs, juice (orange and mango), pineapple

-no desire to drink coffee (usually a staple of my diet) and no real desire to eat chocolate (another staple of my diet)

-intense moodiness

-incredible fatigue

I’ve also felt great worry, which is a staple of my pregnancies. I honestly wish women didn’t start showing until ~week 20, after the anatomy scan. With this pregnancy, I am showing EARLY. A handful of people know for a number of pragmatic reasons, and this makes me even more nervous! With my first, we didn’t even tell my family until I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. I didn’t notify my new employer until I was 14 weeks pregnant, and my colleagues at the time didn’t know until almost 16-18 weeks! With my second, I didn’t say anything until honestly around 20 weeks+ (although our families knew right away). I was negotiating a new contract at the time and didn’t want my pregnancy throwing a wrench into the plans.

I had one bit of good news at 7 weeks: baby had a heartbeat. But this is only minimally reassuring. The miscarriage rate on a population level is still 5%, and I’m sure we all know people who returned for their second check-up to find that the baby’s heartbeat was gone. So I am trying to stay sane until my 11 week appointment. And the week after I have my nuchal translucency/first trimester screen and my appointment with a genetic counselor (I’ll be 35 when this baby is born so I’m adding Harmony/Panorama/non-invasive prenatal screening test onto my routine prenatal testing). I think if I can get past the next 2 weeks (which are also riddled with work deadlines), I’ll be able to breathe a little more easily. Although then I’ll have the anatomy scan hanging over my head.

Well, I feel fortunate to be pregnant for now, and will try to keep my anxiety in check while I count down the days! The crazy thing is that in just 2 weeks I’ll be done with my first trimester, and then there are only two to go!

The first trimester

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The first trimester sucks. Of all 3 trimesters, it is by far the worst (for me at least). First of all, I always feel like crap. Nauseous, tired, cranky. During my first pregnancy, I would come from work, crash on the couch, and binge on Scandal until I passed out at 9pm. Now I have two kids under 4, so I can’t just lay on the couch watching TV.

Second of all, it is fraught with worry. Once a positive pregnancy test erases the worry of “will I ever get pregnant?”, I start worrying about whether this pregnancy will stick. So there’s the worry up until the first ob appointment (will there be a heartbeat?), the worry at every subsequent appointment (is there still a heartbeat?), the first trimester screen, and on and on and on.

To top it all off, you can’t even explain to your family, friends, colleagues, etc., why you have a short fuse. They just assume you’ve turned into a bitch. And then there’s the awkward turning-down-drinks component, when everyone is dying to ask you whether you’re pregnant but of course they don’t want to because you don’t quite look pregnant, do you?

My husband took the boys out for a bit so I could finally sit down and rest today (kids woke up at 5:30a this morning and it’s 4:00p). We are both wiped, but he’s taking one for the team, and that’s why I love him.

So I’ll go back to reclining horizontally on the couch, reading my book, and trying not to worry about this trimester.

(Barely) pregnant

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So this happened today, on Christmas Eve. I honestly can’t think of a more perfect present!

IMG_0410

Yes, I am barely pregnant at this point. And really just maybe pregnant. Maybe it’s a false positive, maybe I’ll miscarry, maybe the baby will have a birth defect that’s incompatible with life, and on and on and on. There are so many unknowns right now, at literally only 4 weeks pregnant, but part of me is already trying to wrap my head around what life could be like in August of 2018. Three little ones – 3, 2, and a newborn. Our house will be packed to the brim. The financial plan we created this week will need to scrapped and redone. My current baby will no longer be a baby – he’ll be a big brother. Will it be (our third) boy or a girl?

Right now, I’m just praying that this barely-there pregnancy sticks and that our baby is healthy.

Merry Christmas!