So sleepy

I always stay up past my bedtime. I’m on vacation at the moment, waking up ~2 times per night because our baby isn’t quite used to this travel sleep set-up, but I can’t seem to get myself to bed at night. I should be falling asleep as soon as the kiddos go down, but I stay up because I can. I stay up for this quiet time when no one needs anything. I stay up because I can think without interruption. I stay up because I can waste time or be productive without counting down the minutes until nap time is over or independent play has grown stale.

I love this quiet time. I love my family, and I cherish the moments with them so very much, but I also like this feeling of quiet solitude. I could have it in the morning if I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed before the first baby stirred, but this is impossible at the moment. And so I hold onto these quiet evenings. I wait until everyone goes to sleep and then I sift through my to-do list, I plow through notes and patient messages, I fill in my calendar, I online shop, I wander aimlessly from website to website, I contemplate (and sometimes even write) a blog post. And then I finally feel ready to sleep – having savored a small bit of ‘me’ time, if only for a short while, if only at the very tail of the evening.

On working out

As I mentioned briefly in my last post, I signed up for a bi-weekly workout class that ran from January to March. I ended up attending 5-6 out of 19 classes. Haha. So much for waking up at 5am! I could list the excuses (little P had a few sleep regressions, we all got sick, I was inundated at work, etc., etc.) but I can summarize it in a much more straightforward manner: my heart’s not into it at the moment.

Back in the day, working out was my top priority. I would pencil it into my schedule, and I would coordinate the rest of my day around it. But now it’s just not a priority. I really love the way I feel after a workout, but getting all of the puzzle pieces in place to have that workout (coordinating nursing, naps, a time when my husband will be available to watch the kids, etc.) is often more exhausting than it’s worth. I hope to get my mojo back one of these days, but also recognize that it has to be an active decision on my end.

That being said, I’m happy that I signed up for the class. It was fun to do those 5 0r 6 workouts, and we’ll see if I pick up my activity this month!