I’ve been thinking of all of the things I want to remember from this first trimester. With my first pregnancy, I journaled all the time. With my second, I journaled less. This time around I forgot the password to access my (very sophisticated) Word doc journal and haven’t written anything since before becoming pregnant.

So first I’ll start with early pregnancy symptoms. I hate early pregnancy symptoms because they can literally be anything, so when you’re trying to get pregnant every little twinge becomes a reason to obsess over whether you could be pregnant.

I honestly didn’t feel any different than I have during my last few cycles. A bit of back pain a few days prior, but I’m pretty sure that’s more related to my 40 lb 3 year old and 25+ lb 1.5 year old. We flew for the holidays and I felt incredibly nauseous on the descent, but didn’t think much of it as I had experienced nausea with some prior cycles. What really tipped me off was this: no hormonal acne. Around the time of my menstrual cycle, I develop a few cystic acne lesions. I had zero by day 30 and this definitely piqued my interest. When I went to bed that night, I thought I felt something developing on my chin, but it was gone by the next morning. And that was it-I took a pregnancy test the next time.

During these first few weeks, I’ve felt:

-general stomach uneasiness

-nausea, usually worse in the early evening

-cravings for: carbs, juice (orange and mango), pineapple

-no desire to drink coffee (usually a staple of my diet) and no real desire to eat chocolate (another staple of my diet)

-intense moodiness

-incredible fatigue

I’ve also felt great worry, which is a staple of my pregnancies. I honestly wish women didn’t start showing until ~week 20, after the anatomy scan. With this pregnancy, I am showing EARLY. A handful of people know for a number of pragmatic reasons, and this makes me even more nervous! With my first, we didn’t even tell my family until I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. I didn’t notify my new employer until I was 14 weeks pregnant, and my colleagues at the time didn’t know until almost 16-18 weeks! With my second, I didn’t say anything until honestly around 20 weeks+ (although our families knew right away). I was negotiating a new contract at the time and didn’t want my pregnancy throwing a wrench into the plans.

I had one bit of good news at 7 weeks: baby had a heartbeat. But this is only minimally reassuring. The miscarriage rate on a population level is still 5%, and I’m sure we all know people who returned for their second check-up to find that the baby’s heartbeat was gone. So I am trying to stay sane until my 11 week appointment. And the week after I have my nuchal translucency/first trimester screen and my appointment with a genetic counselor (I’ll be 35 when this baby is born so I’m adding Harmony/Panorama/non-invasive prenatal screening test onto my routine prenatal testing). I think if I can get past the next 2 weeks (which are also riddled with work deadlines), I’ll be able to breathe a little more easily. Although then I’ll have the anatomy scan hanging over my head.

Well, I feel fortunate to be pregnant for now, and will try to keep my anxiety in check while I count down the days! The crazy thing is that in just 2 weeks I’ll be done with my first trimester, and then there are only two to go!