So sleepy

I always stay up past my bedtime. I’m on vacation at the moment, waking up ~2 times per night because our baby isn’t quite used to this travel sleep set-up, but I can’t seem to get myself to bed at night. I should be falling asleep as soon as the kiddos go down, but I stay up because I can. I stay up for this quiet time when no one needs anything. I stay up because I can think without interruption. I stay up because I can waste time or be productive without counting down the minutes until nap time is over or independent play has grown stale.

I love this quiet time. I love my family, and I cherish the moments with them so very much, but I also like this feeling of quiet solitude. I could have it in the morning if I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed before the first baby stirred, but this is impossible at the moment. And so I hold onto these quiet evenings. I wait until everyone goes to sleep and then I sift through my to-do list, I plow through notes and patient messages, I fill in my calendar, I online shop, I wander aimlessly from website to website, I contemplate (and sometimes even write) a blog post. And then I finally feel ready to sleep – having savored a small bit of ‘me’ time, if only for a short while, if only at the very tail of the evening.

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